The Auld Git’s Blog

Just another Auld Git

Posts Tagged ‘mutant

Vomit and Winehouse – any difference?

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Someone might think the Auldgit has a thing about the Amy Winehouse thing, nothing could be further from the truth and the Auldgit would be much happier if he he could look at his news feeds and not be sickened by this waste of space and skin being thrust in his face on an almost daily basis.

Today was partcicularly sickening, as we were presented with relatively graphic description of Winehouse’s filthy personal life and habits, which show it has little concern for itself, and less respect for others, as it covers designer clothes with its own vomit, and has no care as they are returned filthy for the owners to handle:

Employees at a top London store made a gruesome discovery recently when Amy Winehouse returned some borrowed designer dresses – covered in vomit.

An all night bender resulted in the soul singer covering £25,000 worth of Harvey Nichols gear in her trade mark messiness, according to a new report.

The Mirror quotes an insider as saying, “Unfortunately, while wearing one of the frocks, she went on an all-night bender.

“She ended up in the loos, where she was violently sick. Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.”

The PRs at Harvey Nichols were disgusted by Amy’s lack of personal hygiene after the dresses were returned painted in chunks and green mould.

The insider added, “She eventually couriered them back on Monday, but didn’t wrap them separately. So sick had gone on all the clothes.

“Even worse, green, furry mould had developed on some gowns, making them unwearable.

“The store publicists weren’t best pleased. They send stuff out to celebs all the time, but it never gets into such a state.

“I doubt Amy will be sent any more designer gear for a while and the store has now asked for its £25k back.”

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September 25, 2008 at 9:03 pm

Twice as bad with Elvis

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Fat, overweight, drug soaked, died-on-the-bog king of nothing Elvis Presley did Britain a great service by only visiting it and despoiling it once, or so the relatively good news used to be.

The story of his flying visit when his plane landed at Prestwick (so, the Scots aren’t always the lucky ones) and the creep was seen wasn’t the only time his presence disgraced the Great Britain.

Now it seems the misery for the land has just doubled, and Mr Greasy was here twice…

Veteran rock star Tommy Steele has admitted he took Elvis Presley on a secret tour of London in 1958.

For more than 50 years, brain-dead Presley fans have believed the only time he ever set foot in the UK was during a stop-over at Prestwick Airport in March 1960, (and tried to convince the non-brain-dead that he’s still alive and well somewhere, rather than still trying to flush himself down a toilet somewhere).

But theatre producer Bill Kenwright revealed Steele’s secret on Radio 2.

In a note passed to the Daily Mail, Steele said he “swore never to divulge publicly” what took place and he “regrets” that news leaked out.

The 71-year-old, who is currently appearing in a production of Dr Dolittle in Woking, said: “I can only hope he [Presley] can forgive me.

Mr curl-up-and die-on-the-toilet might, but the rest of us don’t forgive you for letting slip that the disgrace to humankind has now doubled his time here, and made the place just a little bit dirtier than it was before.

How the heck anyone can have any admiration for someone like that is beyond me. If he’s been my boy I’d have done the decent thing years before, and shot him, and them myself for bringing him into the world.

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April 23, 2008 at 1:02 am

The torture continues

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The Auld Git would like to turn the TV and NOT see the ugliness that is Amy Winehouse being thrust into his face all the time.

The scenes of her at the Grammy nonsense were truly sick-making last night – instead of being spurned, all her pals are patting her on the back. The only good thing is that we know they are really doing to curry favour in future, and not because they actually give a flying damn about her.

The Alien Winehouse

What the hell is that thing attached to her head…

1. An inoperable brain tumour – at least it would explain her behaviour

2. A space alien that has taken her over, and is (or more accurately now, was) feeding on her brain, but is now just using her body as a means to move around – at least it would explain her behaviour

3. Some sort of mutant insect or arachnoid that has attached itself there, and no can (or wants to) get it off

4. A nest, and if we’re lucky, whatever is living or breeding in there will explode one day

5. A bet that she forgot about, and thinks is supposed to be there

6. An evil mind control device that she has had implanted, and uses to make everyone worship her – which is why only the Auld Git can see it!

God… isn’t the last option the most horrible and frightening of them all.

There’s only one option, we have to get everyone to wear one of those cute little tinfoil hats, so favoured of the alien conspiracy theorists

7. Oh Shit! That’s the answer… SHE IS AN ALIEN!!!

Written by auldgit

February 12, 2008 at 10:16 am

Posted in Celebrity vermin, TV

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